Other people are pressuring me not to move toward my goal.

Not being able to stand up for myself keeps me from reaching my goal.

It’s quite possible that your goal could be in conflict with others’ needs. For example, family members might want you to spend more time with them instead of going out to exercise.

Suggestions:

To overcome these obstacles, you need good skills in resolving conflicts, being assertive, and thinking creatively about ways to meet your own needs while being considerate of others. As a first step, practice taking the time to make a firm decision before going along with what other people want you to do. If necessary, say, “I need to think about that. I’ll let you know.”

 

I feel rebellious. Why should I do this just because everybody else wants me to?

Suggestions:

The way to overcome this obstacle is to decide whether you really want to make this improvement. Put aside other people’s expectations of you, even though they are usually well-intended. Ask yourself if making this change will make your life better or worse. If you decide to do it, you can make it very clear that it was your decision by explaining your reasons for making it.

 

I just don’t have the energy to take this on.

I feel the goal isn’t worth the effort I’ll have to make.

You are feeling a lack of emotional energy needed to get started on your goal. Sometimes this comes from physical fatigue. Maybe you’re working too hard or simply not getting enough sleep. Sometimes a lack of energy indicates that the goal isn’t that important to you. Or, the goal may be stirring up negative emotions. For example, the decision to lose weight may bring up painful memories of struggling with weight loss in the past. These negative emotions could be sapping your energy.

Suggestions:

Talk your feelings over with someone you trust. Decide whether you need to balance your life better or just start getting to bed earlier so that you’ll have more energy. Try noting any rewards you expect to gain by reaching this goal. If you can’t think of any, maybe this goal just isn’t that important to you. But if you can picture a positive outcome, try taking one small step toward the goal to get yourself started. If needed, make that small step so easy that you know for sure you can do it. After you take the first step, you may find the rest of the steps are easier.

 

I feel I don’t have the time to take on this project or health improvement.

I’ve been putting it off.

Suggestions:

If you can’t seem to find the time for your goal, you may need to deliberately schedule specific times to work on it. This may mean that something else has to “give.” You will need to decide what you won’t do, in order to have time for your goal. Maybe you can get some help from others to take an item or two off your “list.” Time management tips and strategies may be of help, if you feel you could be managing your time better.

If you frequently put off your project to do other things instead, the problem may not just be time. You might be procrastinating because the task seems overwhelming or you don’t have all the skills or information you need to tackle it. Try to break the project down into a series of steps. Identify any skills or information you need and seek out ways to get them.

 

I feel a sense of loss, as if I’ll be giving up something important to me in order to achieve my goal.

I’m afraid I’ll be deprived of something I enjoy, such as a favorite food.

You have feelings of loss and deprivation. Many improvements require change, and some call for giving up something you’ve come to enjoy. It is natural for you to have sad feelings about this.

Suggestions:

There are different ways of addressing these obstacles. First, some mental health professionals believe you must grieve the loss fully by passing through the following stages to reach acceptance. Talking with people who care about you as you go through the process can be a great help.

A second way to handle these obstacles is by making substitutes. Substitute something new for what you’re losing. Substitute a low-calorie version of your favorite food, or a favorite flavor gum for a cigarette.

 

I doubt my ability to make this improvement.

I’m afraid that I will fail.

Self-doubts and fear of failure are natural feelings, which can also be major obstacles to meeting a goal. Here are some ideas that may help. Focus on successes you have had—even if they were limited successes or in a different area of your life. Instead of concentrating on past failures, think about what you learned and how you gained new skills from those failures.

Suggestions:

Visualize yourself achieving your goal. Set aside a short time every day to imagine what this would mean to you. Make an agreement with yourself that it is okay to fail. Come to believe that the only real failure is a failure from which you don’t learn anything. Learn what you need to do to succeed this time. Break your task down into small steps that you can easily achieve. As you have small, early successes, you’ll find that your fears and doubts diminish.

 

If I succeed in my efforts, my life might change in ways I’m not yet ready to handle.

This obstacle is called “fear of success.” It is a very real obstacle for many people. Success may mean changes in your life that you feel unprepared for. For example, success in losing weight may mean you will experience unwanted attention from members of the opposite sex. Or becoming more fit might mean you will be expected to do physical tasks you don’t do now.

Suggestions:

Try to prepare yourself for potential changes. For example, plan and practice how you would handle attention from members of the opposite sex. Try out some of the tasks you might be asked to do if you become more fit. It can also help to talk over your fears with a trusted friend or someone who has had the experience you fear.

 

I feel too stressed to take on something new.

I feel too sad or depressed to make any changes right now.

I feel too nervous or worried to focus on a goal.

Suggestions:

Negative feelings are getting in the way of your motivation to reach your goal. Usually, it makes sense to try to address the stress, depression or anxiety first, before taking on a significant new effort. Some feelings of depression or anxiety are caused by changes in brain chemistry, which can be treated with a combination of counseling and medication. If you have these feelings, it’s a good idea to see your doctor or a counselor for an evaluation. If you are feeling very stressed because of specific situations in your life, try to get some help in resolving the stressful situations before you go further with your goal. Sitting down with pencil and paper to do some problem-solving, talking things over with a friend or counselor, or using stress management techniques such as relaxation or pleasurable activities, can all help.

 

Business travel gets in my way.

Suggestions:

Business travel saps time and energy. There are two approaches to this obstacle. The first is to travel less if you can. If your work demands heavy travel, this is not practical. The second method is to carefully consider how your traveling is getting in the way. How do you change your behavior when you’re on the road? Can you adapt home habits to your time on the road? For many people, being on the road means rich meals, no exercise, and lots of stress. It takes special planning and deliberate effort to keep working on goals while you’re on the road.

Talk to other frequent travelers, especially those who have succeeded in the effort you are making. Share ideas and keep trying